Note: This is a work of PARODY, which means that none of the following should be taken seriously, and do not scream/use CAPSLOCK OF RAGE at me because of this writing.
Anund stepped into the clearing, so silent that neither Bella (hmph, like a mortal had better hearing than a vampire) nor Edward heard him. It was dark, without moon or star to be seen. He stayed partially hidden in the shadows, his dark cloak covering him from even the keenest eye.
“Hello, Edward,” he said. His teeth flashed a brilliant white in his shadows. He glanced from Edward, standing protectively in front of Bella, to Bella, cowering in her “vampiric plainness.” This would be an easy kill. He grinned, his teeth a beacon of light in the night.
“Show yourself,” Edward growled. “Who are you?”
He stepped forward, letting the shadows fall away. He took his crossbow from his back and a quarrel from his quiver. “My name is my own,” he announced. “I have business with you, Cullen.” He did not give the other vampire the chance to answer. He tore the cloak from his body, letting the other two drink in his appearance.
His skin caught their attention first, and he could feel the waves of revulsion rolling off them. He had a mottled purple skin tone, dark enough to be nearly black in some patches, light as lavender in others. His hair, dark as the night around them, hid his hellfire-red eyes from their view. He knew their thoughts: demon, the thought him, abomination, devil.
“What are you doing here?” Edward growled. Anund saw Bella shiver—in delight, probably. Some women were so simple-minded.
“Me?” He aimed his crossbow at Edward’s heart. “I am here to kill you.” He let the quarrel fly. It bounced off Edward’s chest. The other vampire had been too stunned at Anund’s proclamation to move.
He had forgotten that the vampires couldn’t be killed in the normal way—a nice garlic-tipped arrow, a stake, and a sword. He would have to get up close and personal. He let the wind build up around him, called the breezes to him. He let the winds detach his head from his shoulders, and he flew at the other vampire.
It was over in a matter of seconds. His head returned to his shoulders, and the long-dead sinews reattached themselves, anchoring his skull to his spine once again. It left a tingling feeling in his throat, and he shook his head to dispel the sensation of creeping spider legs on his skin.
What was left of Edward and Bella lay in a smoldering heap, and he let the wind blow the ashes away, into the forest. They would not be found.